Mother's Day

We all experience joy, sorrow, hurt, disappointment, frustration, satisfaction, contentment, etc.  Usually those feelings come after an event (major or not) in our lives.  And we usually don't discount others' reactions to an event which to us may not seem as important.  We understand that people view events differently. Mother's Day seems to be an event which brings out strong reactions (from both mothers with live children and those who have not carried a child to term).  In this day of internet connection, we read more easily of hurt associated with infertility, miscarriage, loss of child, etc.  I applaud those women for being able to share those feelings which plague them day and night just as I would applaud someone for sharing their feelings which are related to suffering abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, emotional toll from caring for a dying parent, etc. I love reading a story of a new mother and the joy that child brings.  My heart hurts as I read of the mothers whose children act inappropriately, don't respect them, etc. They shed insight on how I can show encouragement to those ladies.

This week I have thought about Mother's Day and the emotions that come with the day.  This morning I wrote out 3 answers that I would give if asked, "Kathy, why is this such a hard day for you?"

1. A dream not realized.  I have wanted to be a mother since I was 5 years old.  I remember saying the blessing before lunch one day and asking the Lord to please give me a baby to love.  As a 5 or 6 year old, I did not become a mother, for which I am thankful.  As I was growing up and would be asked what I wanted to do with my life, I would answer "I want to be a homemaker and take care of my family".  But you see I struggle with infertility.  We did achieve one pregnancy which ended before the first trimester was completed.  My progesterone levels were low and not able to be brought up to where they should be.  A little over two years ago, I went to the doctor because of some problems I was having.  After testing she said she was 95% sure I had suffered a miscarriage.  I have been married 17 years.  The years to me turning 50 can now be counted on one hand.  I know I will probably not have children to call my own.  I am learning to be content with that.
2. Social media.  I love seeing pictures of your new babies.  I love reading the joy those children bring...especially if they have been prayed for for several years.  I love seeing how your children have grown through the years.  I pray for your children as you post they're sick.  I rejoice with you when your babies (no matter what age) achieve a major milestone.  But sometimes reading about your children is hard.  When school is closed for several days for weather and you post that you need your children to get back to school so you can get back to your schedule, that is hard.  I know that we get in our little schedules and hate to have them interrupted.  And as a former teacher I know that the normal day to day schedule of school is a good thing.  But sometimes I'd like to have the problem of having to cancel my plans to take care of "out of school because of snow" children.
3. Well-intended (I'm sure) comments.  These comments have been said either to me or in my presence to another lady.  And the majority of them have been said by a "church lady"...not necessarily a lady from the church I am a member...not necessarily a lady with whom I have any type of relationship...but it is known they are active church members.

              a.  if we had met in high school we would have been best friends but I can't be your friend now.  I want my friends to be only those ladies who have children the age of my children so when we get together, our children can play together.

              b.  the Lord lets a person know they are in His will by allowing them to have children.

              c.  since you don't have children, we need you to keep the nursery. These mothers need to attend this marriage seminar more than you.  (While I am flattered to think you think I don't need to attend a marriage seminar as much as someone else.  And while I can understand you trying to let someone beside a mother stay in the nursery...do you think that maybe being in the nursery is too hard on this mother wanna be?)

              d.  since you don't have children, you are expected to do more work than the ones who do.  Whatever of their job they do not get done you are expected to complete.

              e.  I remember what it was like before I had children.

              f.  Why are you eating out today?  or Why are you having a special meal?  You're not a mother!

              g.  Why doesn't your family...ohhhh you don't have a family...sorry for that.  Are my husband and I not a family?

              h.  the Lord knew what He was doing by not giving YOU children.  (I believe in the sovereignty of God.  And I know He knows what is best for us.  But when this is said, it seems like there is a major emphasis on the YOU which makes me feel like I somehow am a second class citizen).

I do love children.  I do want you to have your day.  I will (money available) purchase a baby gift and if I don't attend the shower find a time to give it to the mother.  I want to hold your baby.  Just because I don't have a child of my own doesn't mean I don't know how to hold or care for a baby.  And I don't mind in the least bit you discussing your pregnancy in front of me.  Please after reading this do not think I am diminishing the importance of Mother's Day.  I just wanted to share a little of why it is such a hard day for me.