A Country Church

Along a winding road in the hills and hollows (pronounced holl-ers) of northeast Tennessee sits a small church.  From the days of no indoor air conditioning to now, this church despite its building and attendance size has shown love and created many pleasant memories.  Summer Sunday evenings would find the windows open and funeral home fans being used while the elderly gentleman from down the road led the singing.  The before Sunday School assembly found the second grade teacher leading a few songs and asking who had birthdays.  The birthday person would get to walk in front of the church and place money in a small Tupperware cup.  Usually this consisted of change equaling the child's new age.  When it was an adult's birthday having the exact change for the new age may not have been as important.  "Happy Birthday" was usually sung as one was walking to the front to put in her change.  The preacher had a very commanding voice.  His voice did not make you feel like you were in trouble...you just sat mesmerized by it...whether you understood the sermon or not.  As a side note we girls must have been very wiggly one morning.  I remember coming home after church and Mother telling us it would not surprise her if Uncle Guy walked down from the pulpit and took us outside to spank us.  He had done that with a boy one time.  I remember the next few weeks being scared to move.  Not necessarily from fear of Uncle Guy spanking me but more from the embarrassment of if it were me he took outside to spank.

The pastor's wife had a vision for a Sunday evening program for the children who were not old enough for the youth group.  The first Sunday evening each child was handed a strip of paper.  We were given three choices for a name for the group....Young Learners, Happy Growers and I can't remember the other one (maybe Eager Explorers).  We were to each write the name we wanted the group to be called.  The votes were tallied and Happy Growers became the name of the program for the new group.  Sunday evenings found us listening to flannelgraph or flashcard stories.  Aunt Evelyn & Uncle Guy both could tell a story.  We were especially fond of Sunday School Charlie and his adventures.   The most exciting part of the evening was the golden nuggets.  What's a golden nugget?  Well I'm glad you asked.  A golden nugget was just a piece of gravel that had been spray painted gold.  But to us children it was worth gold.  We earned golden nuggets for memorizing verses, bringing our offering, Bible, attendance, bringing a friend, etc.  Every so often we got to spend the golden nuggets we had earned.  Aunt Evelyn made sure there was something that every child could purchase.  So for the ones that may have very few nuggets (because of not being there every Sunday or not having as much help from home) there was a small trinket they could purchase.  And for the ones who had earned every nugget possible there was something of a greater value.  Now to an adult these may have seemed to be items which were junky or not really necessary.  But to us Happy Growers they were the best thing (second only to being out of school for a holiday or snow day).  

One Sunday Aunt Evelyn announced that every month we would send our offering to a missionary.  We were then each handed a fold out brochure that had the name, country and picture of each missionary/family for the denomination.  We looked at the brochure and each wrote down which missionary we wanted to help support.  It was decided we would help a single lady in Taiwan (I believe).   She reached out to us Happy Growers.  You know the month change could not have equaled more than $5 but she treated us like we were the group that gave her the most money every month.  We had fun learning of Taiwan and preparing packages to send her.  I'm sure the church probably helped us in that endeavor.

Happy Growers would not have been the same without Edna and Ruby.  They were twin sisters who were the food committee for us children.  If we decided to have a cook out they were the ones to organize & in my mind they prepared all the food for the cook-out.  (Now maybe they organized and church members helped contribute, I'm not sure).  I looked forward to the evening closest to my birthday.  You see Edna and Ruby would have a cake for me (as well as for each child when it was their birthday).  It would be a doll cake.  (The cake would be the dress of a non-name brand barbie doll).  Edna and Ruby made sure the icing was your favorite color also.  

The faith is now sight of each of these ladies who were so instrumental in organizing and running the early days of Happy Growers.  I thank the Lord for them & Uncle Guy (because I'm sure he helped Aunt Evelyn plan and prepare).  I pray that the children I now teach will see the Lord in me just as I saw Him in Aunt Evelyn, Edna, Ruby and Uncle Guy. 

Mother's Day

We all experience joy, sorrow, hurt, disappointment, frustration, satisfaction, contentment, etc.  Usually those feelings come after an event (major or not) in our lives.  And we usually don't discount others' reactions to an event which to us may not seem as important.  We understand that people view events differently. Mother's Day seems to be an event which brings out strong reactions (from both mothers with live children and those who have not carried a child to term).  In this day of internet connection, we read more easily of hurt associated with infertility, miscarriage, loss of child, etc.  I applaud those women for being able to share those feelings which plague them day and night just as I would applaud someone for sharing their feelings which are related to suffering abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, emotional toll from caring for a dying parent, etc. I love reading a story of a new mother and the joy that child brings.  My heart hurts as I read of the mothers whose children act inappropriately, don't respect them, etc. They shed insight on how I can show encouragement to those ladies.

This week I have thought about Mother's Day and the emotions that come with the day.  This morning I wrote out 3 answers that I would give if asked, "Kathy, why is this such a hard day for you?"

1. A dream not realized.  I have wanted to be a mother since I was 5 years old.  I remember saying the blessing before lunch one day and asking the Lord to please give me a baby to love.  As a 5 or 6 year old, I did not become a mother, for which I am thankful.  As I was growing up and would be asked what I wanted to do with my life, I would answer "I want to be a homemaker and take care of my family".  But you see I struggle with infertility.  We did achieve one pregnancy which ended before the first trimester was completed.  My progesterone levels were low and not able to be brought up to where they should be.  A little over two years ago, I went to the doctor because of some problems I was having.  After testing she said she was 95% sure I had suffered a miscarriage.  I have been married 17 years.  The years to me turning 50 can now be counted on one hand.  I know I will probably not have children to call my own.  I am learning to be content with that.
2. Social media.  I love seeing pictures of your new babies.  I love reading the joy those children bring...especially if they have been prayed for for several years.  I love seeing how your children have grown through the years.  I pray for your children as you post they're sick.  I rejoice with you when your babies (no matter what age) achieve a major milestone.  But sometimes reading about your children is hard.  When school is closed for several days for weather and you post that you need your children to get back to school so you can get back to your schedule, that is hard.  I know that we get in our little schedules and hate to have them interrupted.  And as a former teacher I know that the normal day to day schedule of school is a good thing.  But sometimes I'd like to have the problem of having to cancel my plans to take care of "out of school because of snow" children.
3. Well-intended (I'm sure) comments.  These comments have been said either to me or in my presence to another lady.  And the majority of them have been said by a "church lady"...not necessarily a lady from the church I am a member...not necessarily a lady with whom I have any type of relationship...but it is known they are active church members.

              a.  if we had met in high school we would have been best friends but I can't be your friend now.  I want my friends to be only those ladies who have children the age of my children so when we get together, our children can play together.

              b.  the Lord lets a person know they are in His will by allowing them to have children.

              c.  since you don't have children, we need you to keep the nursery. These mothers need to attend this marriage seminar more than you.  (While I am flattered to think you think I don't need to attend a marriage seminar as much as someone else.  And while I can understand you trying to let someone beside a mother stay in the nursery...do you think that maybe being in the nursery is too hard on this mother wanna be?)

              d.  since you don't have children, you are expected to do more work than the ones who do.  Whatever of their job they do not get done you are expected to complete.

              e.  I remember what it was like before I had children.

              f.  Why are you eating out today?  or Why are you having a special meal?  You're not a mother!

              g.  Why doesn't your family...ohhhh you don't have a family...sorry for that.  Are my husband and I not a family?

              h.  the Lord knew what He was doing by not giving YOU children.  (I believe in the sovereignty of God.  And I know He knows what is best for us.  But when this is said, it seems like there is a major emphasis on the YOU which makes me feel like I somehow am a second class citizen).

I do love children.  I do want you to have your day.  I will (money available) purchase a baby gift and if I don't attend the shower find a time to give it to the mother.  I want to hold your baby.  Just because I don't have a child of my own doesn't mean I don't know how to hold or care for a baby.  And I don't mind in the least bit you discussing your pregnancy in front of me.  Please after reading this do not think I am diminishing the importance of Mother's Day.  I just wanted to share a little of why it is such a hard day for me.